Monday, October 6, 2008

This Boy

Hello world,
How are you doing today?

I'm feeling oddly uplifted at this moment. How unusual.

I had a dream last night, Steve was there and at first he was the Steve he is now, and kind of standoffish and then I grabbed his hand, and we started dancing, and it was beautiful and I was so happy. This is the point where I woke up, into stark reality, and realized that it was, just a dream. That left me pretty depressed all morning. I lay in bed and just sat there thinking. And I came to a decision.


Screw all this being depressed crap.

I decided I'm not giving up.
I love him.
It's not going away.
Ten months deserves some sort of fight.
Some sort of effort.
And Steve certainly wasn't going to fight, so one of us needs to.
I spilled this all onto Steve today while he was in a lecture.
He was like ....ugh? I can't really talk right now.
And I was like, that's fine, I'm not going anywhere.
And I'm not.

Fuck you Steve.
And your just going to walk away after a bad week.
Well fuck that.

It occured to me, that I'm unhappy with the current situation. So I'm going to change it. And if I fail, I've got nothing left to lose. I'm here for the duration kids, so stay tuned.

I'm still here
But it hasn't been easy
I'm sure that you had your reasons
I'm scared for this emotion
For years I've been holding it down
For years I've been holding it down

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